I Hate Anxiety

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I hate anxiety.

I don't care what you say, I hate it. Lucky for me I've
hardly felt it in four years. I've had my share of fear. But
almost no anxiety.

I don't mind fear. But I hate that nebulous, vague, hazy
feeling:

"Something's gonna happen. I know it. I just don't know what
it is, where it's coming from, when it's gonna hit. But it
will. I know it. Cause I'm feeling so anxious."

Yuck!

At least with fear I know what's coming. Or I should know,
if I'm paying attention. And I can deal with it almost
instantly. But anxiety's different, isn't it?

By it's very nature, it's a painful foggy prickly feeling.
You can't grab it, but it sure can grab you. It's not fair.
Anxiety seems so unfair. And it's so unknown.

Even when you know the causes of anxiety -


join-the-fun.com/anxiety.html


you're still a long way from ending it. And once it's got a
hold of you, it usually doesn't let go. Its natural tendency
is to grow stronger and speak louder.

"Hey! You can't ignore me!"

Anxiety has a message for you:

*** You Need To Learn Greater Mastery And Skill ***

If you do know the focus of your anxiety, that's where you
need the greater mastery and skill.

Take public speaking as an example. "I've got a speech to
give and I'm really anxious about it."

Well, become a better speaker and watch that anxiety
lessen.

If you *don't* have a focus for your anxiety; meaning it's
the so-called 'generalized anxiety disorder'; then you may
need greater mastery and skill in dealing with your
emotions. (Which also includes the emotion of anxiety,
conveniently enough!)

Probably the main cause of anxiety comes from not expressing
your emotions.

Stuff that anger, and you might end up with anxiety.
Unexpressed anger can end up in a lot of different places;
anxiety is one of those places.

Likewise, if you stuff your pity or your feelings of
victimhood, it could end up as anxiety. Cause we all know
we're not 'supposed' to feel pity.

So what do we do? We can end up on a battlefield where we
keep fighting to *not* feel our pity. Keep trying to hide it
rather than feeling it and letting it go. And end up with
anxiety.

All feelings end up somewhere if you don't feel them cleanly
and release them completely. Some of 'em end up as anxiety.

If you want to get rid of your pity, why not try flushing it
out? Worked for me.

join-the-fun.com/self-pity.html

Anxiety is what I call a 'secondary emotion' because it
seems to be a byproduct of some other emotion.

So what emotion starts most anxiety?

I'd say by far the number one cause of anxiety is from
shame.

Shame - the abuse inflicted onto you. First by another
person, and then by you. Cause if someone else starts the
abuse, and then they leave; you'll often continue what they
started. The shame becomes internalized.

"I'm so stupid."

"What's wrong with me?"

"I'll never be good enough."

Shame is a complicated mess. If you feel it, then basically
someone got you to carry their dirty smelly rotten burlap
bag of shame. They thought they could get rid of their own
shame by dumping it onto you.

Which never works. You end up with a bunch of anger and
blame and worthlessness that's not even yours. No wonder you
feel anxiety!

You carry someone else's burden and it makes you feel flawed
and defective. And then they still have all their own shame.
They couldn't get rid of it; they could only spread it
around. Now you both feel shame.

"Something's wrong" because "I'm wrong".

That's the anxiety caused by shame.

So what's the answer? You could start by reading up on
shame. John Bradshaw is a pioneer on the subject. He's got
some books to help you start working with it. But even if
you successfully deal with your shame, that still won't end
the anxiety. They're two separate problems. Even though they
so often overlap, you can't end one by ending the other.

Working With Anxiety

Here's how I was able to escape my anxiety once and for
all:

1. I reduced my current level of anxiety.

Sometimes I would literally 'run in place' to try to get rid
of my anxiety. It helped a little.

I also tried EFT, or 'tapping'. But I had better results
with the running. (You could try tapping yourself all over
your body instead of the few spots recommended by EFT for
anxiety. I wrote an article about it last December.)


emotional-times.com/2006/12/heres-what-i-do-every-morning.html

In the e-book, How To Reduce Fear, Escape Anxiety and End
Panic, I explain a few other more-effective ways I've found
to reduce the amount of anxiety you're feeling RIGHT NOW.
Keep in mind they can only help temporarily; they aren't
designed to be permanent solutions.

And as a last resort, you could always get out your trusty
ol' pen and paper and start writing as fast as you can about
what you're feeling. 'Processing your thoughts and
feelings'. To this day, I still do it on a regular basis.
Even when I'm feeling wonderful!

2. I stopped creating more anxiety.

I've spent most of my life thinking about my feelings rather
than feeling my feelings. Making up stories about them...

Fear stories. Anger stories. Pity stories. Stories of blame
and righteousness, frustration, martyrhood, nobility,
cynicism, and so forth. Stories I wanted to pretend were
true.

I ended up stuffing my true feelings rather than just
feeling them. One of the many problems with this is that it
creates anxiety.

Once you start feeling your true feelings, and then
releasing them, you'll find that in itself will reduce your
anxiety levels. The trick is to find your REAL feelings and
step back from your made-up feelings.

Here's two clues to whether or not you're feeling your true
feelings or not:

First, do you seem to be stuck in the same old thoughts and
feelings without being able to change? Generally, that means
you've surrounded your true feelings with some made-up
stuff.

Always look for what's real. For example, blame and
righteousness are not real. You can blame for the rest of
your life, and it will never move you one inch forward.
You'll be spinning your wheels forever.

Same with righteousness. "I have the right to be angry after
what they did!"

Sure you do. You have the right to do whatever you want in
that head of yours. But until you remove the slick coating
of righteousness from around your anger you'll never even
TOUCH your anger.

And part of the price you pay is anxiety.

If you're spinning your wheels and can't get any traction
then you're not in touch with your true feelings. Look
BEYOND the slick veneer. Move past the need to blame and the
need to be right. (As two examples.)

Here's another clue:

Can you feel without thinking? Can you JUST feel? Feel
without telling yourself ANYthing about what you're
feeling?

If so, you're most likely in touch with your true feelings.
But if you have the need to justify or rationalize or
explain what you feel, that's a good sign you're not in
touch.

3. I found and ended the heart of my anxiety.

At the very center of all the anxiety you've ever felt, and
ever will feel, there's an energy I call the 'heart' of your
anxiety.

If you find and remove this energy, then it will be MUCH
easier to escape anxiety for good; just like I did. You'll
think it's a miracle. Maybe it is, I don't know. I just know
it works.

So what is the heart of your anxiety?

It's the event that happened the very first time you ever
felt anxiety. It's your 'first anxiety'. All the other
anxieties you've ever felt are an extension of your first
anxiety. All other anxieties are built on the foundation of
your first anxiety.

Remove the foundation of your first anxiety and you can
watch the whole structure of your lifetime of anxiety wobble
and become weak.

Once you've handled your first anxiety, everything else
seems to fall into place. The power - the energy - that
anxiety holds in your life will just fade away. You'll still
need to go through the motions; cleaning up the mess that
anxiety's left; but it won't be that hard.

You'll know what to do.

So how do you find your first anxiety? And how do you take
back it's energy?

Well, you could start by thinking back to your childhood.
Your anxiety began sometime after your conscious mind
developed; which is generally about the age of five or six.
You did not feel anxiety before this time.

You might have felt a lot of fear, but no anxiety. Fear can
start the day you were born, if not before. You did not feel
anxiety, however, until after your conscious mind took over
the responsibility of living your life from your
subconscious mind.

Anyway, if you find that first anxiety, then you can go back
and release it's energy.

I've outlined how to do that in the e-book on reducing fear,
escaping anxiety and ending panic:


reduce-fear.com


And I'm also putting together two audio files on the topic.
The first one explains more about the whole situation and
how to find that first anxiety. The second one takes you to
your first anxiety and guides you to releasing and freeing
yourself from the energy that's currently locked in place.

Anyone who's ordered the e-book will be given a copy of
these audio files at no cost. If you're interested in
getting a copy of these audio files, then make sure you
order your copy of the e-book in the next day or so.


Of course, you can do it on your own, also. I've said enough
about the process that you can probably figure the rest out
on your own, if you wish.

But the audio files will make it a lot easier. They'll also
be different than any other files I've done up till now.
Because the sound quality will be much better. I'm excited
about it!

Plus, if you order the e-book, you'll also get complete
instructions on ending panic and reducing fear. Because
fear, panic and anxiety each require their own unique
approach.

You'll understand more when you read the e-book.

reduce-fear.com

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Thank you!







all the best

Mark

How To Understand

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Perplexed? Confused? Need to figure out what's
going on in your life?


How To Understand Any Problem or Situation

To more fully understand a situation, get out paper
and pen and follow these seven steps:

1. State the facts. JUST the facts. Write them down
on a piece of paper. Be sure to not embellish what
you write. State ONLY objective facts.

"Here's what actually happened..."

2. Interpret those facts. NOW add your own
embellishment. Now think about how the facts
affect you. Add your present understanding to the
facts you wrote down.

"Here's what I think about it..."

3. Discern those facts. Now look for the hidden
meaning behind the facts and behind your
interpretation of the facts. What's hidden? What's
the contrast?

"Oh, yeah, now I see a little deeper..."

4. Make conclusions from everything you've
worked on up till now. Form assessments and
positive judgments from the facts and the
interpretation and the discernment of those facts.
Positive judgments hold things together and make
them solid.

"So here's what I think all this means..."

5. Inference of the conclusion. What do you infer
from what you've concluded? Add the thoughts
and feelings that are not represented by the facts.
In other words, what do you think, and how do you
feel, about your conclusions?

"Well, from my conclusions, I now add these thoughts
and feelings..."

6. Appreciation of the facts. Now look to sense the
beauty, the wonder, the sacred, the love - in the
conclusions you've drawn from what you're trying
to understand.

"Okay, now I'm looking at this from a higher perspective,
and I see the big picture and how everything fits
together in a wonderful sort of way..."

7. Finding the value. Finally, look back to your
conclusions, your inference, your appreciation - to
find the meaning and significance; the value; in this
situation. What have you learned? What have you
gained?

"Oh my gosh! So THIS is why I created this situation,
to learn THESE lessons! Wow, that's valuable..."



I realize that sounds like a lot - but once you get
started, and once you've done it a time or two, you'll
see how easily you can move from one step to the
next.

Plus, you really will understand it a lot better!

Just go through and write each step down. Spend a little
time on each one. Generally, I'll tend to write the most
on the first step, and maybe a paragraph or a few sentences
for some of the other ones.

Just write as much as seems appropriate for each step.

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Thank you!







all the best,

Mark

(I learned these seven steps from Lazaris.)

Life As A Victim & How To Overcome It

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Sometimes you're on top of the world. Other times you're in the gutter. You're always the same person. Why the ups and downs?

Why do the 'peak' moments never seem to last as long as the gutter moments?

It's all in how you function.

For most of my life, I functioned as a victim.

What exactly does that mean?

A 'function' is like a soda machine. You put something in - and it always gives you something back out. You put in your money and you get out a diet coke. That's
a function.

I was a victim. And I acted like a victim. Why?


1. I used it to connect with other people.

"Did I tell you what happened to me?"

Basically, it was a way to belong. To get love. To connect.

You know the saying: "Selling is a transference of feeling"? Well, that's how I used victimhood. I want you to know how I'm feeling!

I want to transfer my feelings to you.


2. I used it to avoid responsibility.

Choices and decisions; taking a stand; being in charge: it all seems so scary.

"I don't want to be responsible!"

Better to let circumstances tell me what to do. Can't make a mistake if I don't do anything!

"After all, I'm a victim. I can't be responsible for what happens in my life."


3. It became my identity. A way of life. A state of being. A state of existence. And I grew to like it.

"I don't know who I'd be if I weren't a victim."

It was familiar. It gave me 'comfort'. Because I didn't see the damage it was doing. I didn't know it shut out the love I was so desperately seeking.


See, I wasn't trying to destroy the world by being a victim.

But if I can get you to feel sorry for me...

If I can just get you to take care of me...

Is that a crime?

I took the main coping skill of a child and used it as a grown-up in a grown-up world. Being a victim is kind of like sucking your thumb. There's no law against it, but still it doesn't look very nice.

I thought it was the 'best', the 'safest', the 'smartest' option for living life.

I was *motivated* to be a victim. It was the 'default' selection:

"When in doubt, function as a victim."

A function works like this:

INPUT ---> FUNCTION ---> OUTPUT

My input: the events that happened in my life.

My function: how I interpreted those events.

My output: how I would think and feel and act.

So if I function as a victim, I will take any event - good or bad - and make it into something that supports my victimhood.

Some people experience horribly painful events in their lives, and turn them into something inspiring and uplifting. Lemons into lemonade.

An outside observer might see them as a victim; but they don't see themselves that way. Or if they did feel like a victim, it didn't last.

Everybody will experience tragedy at one time or another. But not everybody will function as a victim.

What about you?


Traps Of Victimhood

1. People who function as a victim end up creating a victim reality. The world really does conform to their wishes! The more you feel like a victim, the more you become a victim. You have a tendency to keep sinking deeper and deeper.

2. Just as people tend to avoid victims, if you're a victim you'll tend to avoid yourself. You'll tend to avoid your 'realness'. Through pity, judgments, blame,righteousness, etc.

It separates you from yourself. Separation leads to pain. Thus, victimhood becomes a pain factory.

Victimhood is a trap. Most will never escape. Because there's nothing to grab hold of. It's like being in a mud pit. Or a swamp.

The problem is, victimhood sucks you in and it holds on tight. You start believing the lie: "You really are a victim, and you'll always be a victim. There's nothing
you can do."

You become a victim to your own victimhood.


The Way Out Of Victimhood

You've got to first discover your current motivation for functioning as a victim. Why is it so alluring? Why is it okay? Why does it seem to be the best option? What are you secretly getting out of victimhood? What do you not want to admit about it?

Tell yourself the truth. No one else needs to hear. (They probably already know, anyway!)

Then, you've got to find a stronger motivation to be the opposite. What's the opposite of a victim?

A fully-functioning human being. You can put various labels on it: winner, leader, etc.

But you need to find the label that makes the most sense to you.

I found my label. It suited me well. More importantly, it motivated me strongly; more than anything else would. It helped me create new neurological pathways in my brain.

But it might not be the right one for you.

The trick is to have an image - a vision - of something that represents the exact opposite of a victim. And to make it more alluring, more attractive, than the victim.

You need to find your image. Your label. Your vision.

What gets you excited? More than anything else? What puts a smile on your face when you think about it?

If you come up with your own unique image, I can show you how to hold it in your heart and keep it alive. I can show you how to feed it, so it grows stronger and becomes more real.

It's called The Change-Maker Technique. It's a free bonus that comes with the e-book, "How To Create Your Own Reality."

Read all about it here:

create-reality.com

It sure beats the heck out of sucking your thumb!

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Thank you!







all the best

Mark


brought to you by
Mark Ivar Myhre
The Emotional Healing Wizard