Your Ego Is Alive

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It's scary to really truly understand you have an ego - a living breathing part of you with its own thoughts and feelings quite separate from yours. And you're both living in the same body.

It's like being locked in a dark closet with a total stranger.

Imagine the feeling. All your life you think you're alone in your closet. Then you discover there's a stranger in there with you.

Whoa! How did you not see it? How could someone else be in there with you all this time - and you not know?

So much easier to pretend there's no such thing as an ego. Or pretend it doesn't matter. That it has no impact.

But if you truly had only one 'part' of you - one aspect of your self - then you would never feel the need to talk to yourself. All would be quiet inside your head because there would be nobody else to talk to. In reality, we have many voices in our head.

Most people believe they ARE their ego. With no difference between the self I and the ego I.

"I am my ego; my ego is me."

Not true. Ego is critical for your survival. But it's not you. It's one PART of you. You are more than your ego. Much more. Many people, however, function from their ego.

Ego is dumb and repetitive. Oh-so-cynical. Self-destructive. Bitter. Seething. Like a slow bubbling brew. When you function from your ego, tomorrow will be like yesterday. Yesterday will be like tomorrow. Predictable. Little surprise and a lot of pain and struggle.

Every human has an ego. Your ego was born when you were born, and it stays with you your entire life. You could not survive without it.

The purpose of the ego is to take the information from the world and deliver it to you. Like your mailman. Your job is to interpret and respond to that information.

Unfortunately, the pain and shame of childhood often throws the system off-balance. We decide we don't want to make decisions about what's happening to us. And we choose to not make choices. Instead, we try to force our egos to make the interpretations about life.

A small child, being punished, cannot possibly figure out why it's happening. The child cannot understand the connection between spilt milk and a scolding or a beating.

They can modify their behavior - they adapt to the abuse - but that's an entirely different story. They adapt even though they don’t understand.

But humans always seek meaning. A child will always seek to rationalize the pain inflicted upon it by those God-like beings called parents. Lacking an answer, the child turns to its ego.

"Why did they yell at me?"

The ego - even less equipped than the child - invariably comes back with the answer:

"Because there's something wrong with you."

It's the one answer that always makes sense. And thus the patterns are laid.

First, the pattern of asking the ego for answers The pattern of forcing the ego to interpret the data it delivers. The pattern of making the ego be responsible for things it can't possibly be responsible for.

It's like making the mailman come into your house, sit down and open all your mail for you. And decide how to handle each letter. And pay all your bills.

Also comes the pattern of shaming the ego. Shame is like a hot potato. When somebody throws it onto you, your natural tendency is to throw it somewhere else. For a child, usually the only place to throw that shame is onto their ego.

"You're stupid. You're bad. You're wrong. You can't be fixed."

Now of course the child doesn't know it has an ego. It doesn't understand the practice of inner dialog. It just knows that it feels bad, and it wants to do something with those feelings. About the only place for a child to dump it's shame is on it's own ego.

The ego, though, has its own thoughts and feelings, its own desires, its own imagination. It has a mind of its own.

And it can easily start to hate you at an early age. You force it to do your job of thinking and feeling and evaluating. You force it to come up with answers. You force it to be responsible for your life. Your force it to take on your shame, your pain, and your self-hate.

You abuse your ego as you were abused. Well guess what happens when you dump and dump and dump on somebody?

They start hating you and they want to get you back anyway they can. Have you ever seen a picture of a person with a little angel on one shoulder and a little devil on the other?

That little devil on your shoulder is your ego.

It started out as an ally, but most likely it's now your enemy. And it's always whispering in your ear. It's the little voice telling you this is all nonsense. The little voice always trying to distract you away from what's real. The voice that always wants you to judge without evaluating. The voice that tells you you're either better than or less than. But never equal.

The voice that tells you "you really are a victim". And then gives you 45 reasons why.

Stop for a second right now, close your eyes, and ask yourself: "Do I have an ego?"

And just listen to the answer.

That's what your ego sounds like.

If you want to start healing your relationship with your ego, I outline the process in the Forgiveness Manual and in the e-book, How To Create Your Own Reality.

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Mark

Mark Ivar Myhre
The Emotional Healing Wizard


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I Think I Found The Problem

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While self pity ranks as one of the most effective tools of a child in coping with the rigors of life...

as a grown-up self pity becomes the glue that holds our problems together.

It lulls us to sleep as it gently persuades us that we really aren't responsible for our life and the problems in it. The slimy gooey mushy pit of self pity cradles and cocoons us, and like a fish in the ocean that never realizes it lives in water, we don't even know that self pity exists in our lives.

But, boy can we see it in others!

When I first began to seriously explore self pity a few years ago, one of the first things that jumped out at me was the fact that almost everyone I knew was literally inundated with it! I was surrounded by people in self pity.

This seemed so odd, since I honestly believed my own pity had been somehow conquered and bested; perhaps shooed off in the night, or maybe, attempting to do the right thing, it simply slunk away while I wasn't looking.

Either way, I KNEW I didn't have any self pity issues...

Therefore, I felt completely justified - almost as a duty to God and country, to point out (and oh, so tactfully!) the pity I observed in the people I loved. Kind of like pointing out a speck of food on your dinner companion's face.

After all, they'll probably thank me for it, and I'll be a hero, right? I'll be the wise one, the sage, the enlightened guru on the mountain top of emotional stability, ready to impart my wisdom on all those seeking to better themselves.

The "Miss Manners" of the emotional realm. Why, I could even start an advice column in the local...

My daydreaming was rudely interrupted by a hard dose of reality, as my good intentions (have you noticed - they're ALWAYS good?) not only fell upon deaf ears, but my wonderful friends and relatives, apparently having their own plans for advice columns up their sleeves, informed me (without the tact, I might add) that not only was I COMPLETELY AND ONE HUNDRED PERCENT WRONG, but also I WAS THE ONE IN SELF PITY and NOT THEM.

Well, that was a real head scratcher, let me tell you.

Months passed. Still, the resolution alluded me. How could they ALL be so wrong?

Finally, I began to learn about and explore the shadow self - the part of us that holds all the things we deny.

I learned the shadow, born when we are born, exists as a part of every human. Every bit as real as any person alive. I learned the shadow is not something to be despised, or feared, but rather the shadow serves a very useful function.

All the thoughts, all the feelings that I could not or would not admit to having - they didn't just disappear. As I was throwing my pity away, like cigarette butts thrown from a speeding car, my shadow followed right along behind me, picking up every single one of those pitiful butts and saving them for when I matured enough to dispose of them properly.

And in the meantime, my shadow offered many hints and clues to the pity I denied. One of those hints reflected as the people around me expressing and living in pity.

What a mind blowing experience! ...to come to understand and know, on a gut level - that others really are a mirror to my own inner workings. More than a cute saying, the people in my life really do reflect what's inside of me. They really do.

The pity I denied ended up in the whining of those around me. Like a bad movie that just will not end, my unwitting friends were playing out the very emotions that I would swear on a stack of Bibles did not exist in me.

Now I REALLY had a reason to feel pity! And I was forced to acknowledge what I knew deep down inside the whole time. Yes, there was a tiny, tiny, TINY bit of pity somewhere in my otherwise upstanding and respectable emotional body. (Did I mention it was tiny?)

Out of this recognition and acknowledgment, I was then able to take the next step; forgiving myself. And out of forgiveness comes the ability to change.

So the next time you hear your friends whining about nothing, remember they're only reflecting what you're too, um, spiritually evolved to whine about yourself.

Oh, and here's how to end self pity.

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all the best,

Mark

Mark Ivar Myhre
The Emotional Healing Wizard


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Pain Motivates

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Pain Motivates: But Is It Too Late?

Every human being has the right to be happy. Every person is born with that right. We can be - and are - as happy as we will allow.

And yet when we look around us, we see so many people who claim no happiness at all. Or if they do, it seems so fleeting; so elusive. Being happy and content seems like trying to catch a scared butterfly with your bare hands.

Every human being is born with the inherent right and the ability to feel the full range of emotion. We have the ability to feel anything we want. Or at least we did at one time.

Unfortunately, we often end up in a hole; feeling nothing but misery. Why is that? Why would we take the greatest human gift of all - the ability to think and feel whatever we want - and basically throw that gift away?

Well, it takes time to be miserable. It takes a lot of effort. It takes a certain kind of giving up that often started a long time ago. Circumstances beat us down, and it almost always starts in childhood.

Usually, we give up due to the 'pounding' we get as children. That's where it begins. We really do take a pounding - from parents and teachers and so many others who endured their OWN pounding when they were young.

It's because of the patterns we formed at an early age. Patterns of thought and feeling; patterns of belief and attitude. Patterns of 'the way life is'.

Beliefs were formed long before you even knew what the word 'belief' meant. Beliefs paved the road for your direction in life. Beliefs set the stage. They defined the boundaries.

Choices, on the other hand, are like the steering wheel. They come after those early beliefs. They can be the escape from errant patterns. Unfortunately, they usually end up reinforcing those painful patterns instead.

Many have chosen to not make any more choices or decisions than absolutely necessary for survival. Even down to the most mundane decisions of what to eat for supper.

We don't realize that practicing making choices and decisions - even minor ones - will strengthen our ability to choose and decide. So when it comes time to make major choices and decisions we'll be better equipped. Then our choices and decisions will have impact. Because we've exercised the muscle of choice.

Then choices and decisions have a force of energy behind them that work almost like magic to change things with less effort on our part. A powerful choice provides the need for less effort and much less struggle. One powerful choice can change your life.

But what's the basic problem in all this? Because, sure, we HAVE been led down the path of misery by the reasons already mentioned: an errant world imposing its will on us when we were a blank slate.

But it doesn't have to stay that way. We can still begin to start exercising our power of choice. Right now. Today.

So what's the basic problem? Even beyond a lack of knowing how to change things?

It's this: we have developed a certain level of comfort in our misery. We're comfortable with our pain. And we'd rather be in pain than to be uncomfortable.

That's often why we don't change. Because at least we know our pain. It's familiar. And change is uncomfortable. And being comfortable holds way more importance than anything else.

Better to be in pain than to be uncomfortable. For a while, anyway.

Usually it's only when pain becomes unbearable do we even BEGIN looking for answers.

Where are you?

What are you comfortable with right now? What are you willing to endure? How great must the pain become?

We're usually motivated by our pain once it reaches a certain level. Because pain unattended always grows. Eventually it becomes too much, and then we're FORCED to act.

The problem is, you can reach a point where it's too late to change. The pain can become so strong that no matter what you do, you can't end it. And you'll never know where that point is until you've passed it.

It's like falling through the ice. It's like breaking a glass. You can't just make things right because now you're motivated; now you 'really want to'.

Pain can break you.

The time to act is now. Risk being uncomfortable. Dare to take a stand. Move in the direction of your discomfort. There's an unstated law that says: the more uncomfortable you're willing to be today, the less pain you'll have to endure tomorrow.

Will you risk being uncomfortable? That's the real question.

Can you afford not to?

Here's one way to start:

release-emotions.com

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Mark

Mark Ivar Myhre
The Emotional Healing Wizard


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How To Feel The Thrill Of Emotion

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When something happens in your life, it tends to bring up a certain amount of feeling. Someone cuts you off in traffic, and it brings up anger or perhaps fear. That anger or fear has a certain amount of volume to it.

Maybe it's ten gallons of anger and a half-pint of fear. Whatever.

Or perhaps you're grieving for the loss of a loved one. You have a certain volume of grief you must go through. Once you've felt that volume of grief, then you're over it and you move on with life.

No matter how emotionally healthy you are, there's still a certain volume of emotion you must deal with at any given time. The more cleanly you're willing to feel that emotion, the quicker you'll get over it.

You can feel ALL the anger from someone cutting you off in traffic right at that moment. And within a minute you can be completely over it. Back to what you were feeling before the incident.

Or, you can take little pieces of that anger, mix it with a whole bunch of nonsense, and chew on it all day long. And still have some leftovers for tomorrow!

If you choose to feel it all at once, it's almost like a 'body rush'. Somewhat similar to the body rush you feel when surprised by a snake, or suddenly looking down from a tall height. Or any other situation that brings up a rush of real fear.

You know that rush I'm talking about? Some people get addicted to it.

Well, it's possible to feel that same rush with anger. It's a different body sensation from the fear, but the same principle. You're choosing to feel it cleanly and it rushes through your body so fast it actually invigorates you.

Some people go for the fear rush because they like the way it makes them feel. While I don't recommend it, I do understand it. Because it leaves you feeling 'more'.

Seeking out that adrenaline rush eventually leads to various problems. The point I want to make is that it feels good to cleanly feel your emotions - no matter what they are. The quicker you allow yourself to feel the volume of emotion, the better off you'll be. AND it actually feels better to get it out quickly.

But what about the death of a loved one? It's a terrible situation that can bring up all sorts of feelings. Once again, you're much better off embracing the most feeling you can as quickly as possible.

The problem with a grieving situation is that it often brings up other unresolved emotions that have not been dealt with before. Admittedly, it can be difficult to tell what is the honest grieving and what is the unresolved shame, pity, anger, etc. For example, am I feeling the genuine sorrow from my mother dying, or am I feeling the unresolved shame that she dumped on me fifty years ago?

If you're not used to being honest with your emotions, it can be hard to tell the difference. Since it takes a certain amount of discernment to know exactly what you're feeling under the best of circumstances, how can you be expected to know what you're feeling under the worst of circumstances?

Obviously it's important to not put any more pressure on yourself than you've already got. Simply be aware of the principle of 'volume of emotion'. Know that you have a certain volume of grief that will need to come out; expressing itself as a wide range of feelings.

Accept whatever you're feeling as valid and worthy of being felt. While keeping in mind that many unresolved feelings of the past may also come up. These feelings also deserve to be accepted as valid and true and worthy of your attention and embrace.

Remember, no matter the event - good or bad, wanted or unwanted, pleasant or unpleasant - it will bring up feelings in you. All events engender feelings. Those feelings have a certain volume. The more you open yourself to feeling them, the quicker you'll release them, the better you'll feel about yourself, the more alive you'll feel, and the greater your emotional health will be.

Want a rush? Want a thrill? Give yourself permission to embrace the volume of your emotion as cleanly and as quickly as possible.

Here's the best way I know of to release emotions like a dam bursting.

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all the best,

Mark

Mark Ivar Myhre
The Emotional Healing Wizard


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Feeling Better Now

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Feeling better involves taking a series of steps. But a common problem I've had - and I've seen in many others - is they just want the success (whatever it is) without having to take the steps to get there. I call it the 'visualize winning the lottery' syndrome.

"I don't want to succeed - I just want the success." This mindset is universal and has been highly exploited by many advertising and marketing people.

"Get Rich Without Working!!"

"Lose Weight While You Sleep!!"

Lot of appeal in those statements, isn't there? I've fallen for those lines a few times myself. But let me tell you a simple and profound truth:

The steps to getting there, are the qualities of being there.

And the qualities of being there are the steps to getting there.



Succeeding = the steps to getting there.

Success = the qualities of being there.



The secret - if there is one - is to fall in love with the process of succeeding.

Any success, large or small, involves a series of steps that could be viewed as a process. You start at the beginning - step by step - until you reach the conclusion. Then you either repeat the process or you move on to other successes and other processes.

Let's look at the particular success of feeling better. To feel good - to feel good about yourself and your life - to feel emotional contentment - involves a series of steps. It's a process.


It starts with an awareness of your current situation. Not in a judgmental, condemning way, but from a more objective, realistic viewpoint. Find the realness of your situation without interpreting that realness.

For example, I might be in pain. To me, that's real. But then I may also blame my pain on someone or something else. That's not real, and will prevent me from moving forward.

Find the realness. State the facts. With no taint, no twist of interpretation. Step one. Know where you are with as much clarity as possible. Most people will never get past this first step because of an arrogant refusal to see the reality of their situation.

They'd rather say "I can't!"

But if you want to succeed - if you want the success of feeling better - you MUST find the realness. It's one of the steps to feeling better, and it's also one of the qualities of being there - of actually feeling better.

I want to carry my blame with me, all the way to the end of the process, but it will never happen. Instead, I need to find the realness.

I have to get to the point where I prefer to be real, as opposed to blaming (or whatever else may be standing in the way of my realness).

Clarity - awareness - crystal-clear perception of my current situation - is the first step to feeling better. It's also one of the qualities of a person who lives a life of feeling good. Often times, we want to just feel good, but we don't want to take the steps of getting to that point of feeling good.

So what's the answer? Well, first of all, just be aware of this trap.

Take a small step forward; maybe flirt with the idea of realness - try it on like a new pair of shoes. Love and accept yourself for NOT being real up till now.

I want to feel better. But I'm stuck in blame or pity or whatever.

What will keep you moving forward?

Willingness. I might not be willing to let go of my pity. I might not be willing to even look at it in an honest manner. But I can be willing to someday be willing. I can be willing to acknowledge there is a problem.

I can be willing to be willing later on at some point in the future.

Find what you ARE willing to do to succeed. Start there. Find your current level of willingness.

Willingness is totally under your control.

You can have all the willingness you want.

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all the best,

Mark

Mark Ivar Myhre
The Emotional Healing Wizard


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Accepting Yourself

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Are you happy with yourself just the way you are? Do you
accept yourself with all your shortcomings?

Most people don't. For several reasons.

For instance, society holds certain standards that by their
very nature are almost impossible to live up to. You're
supposed to strive for the perfect job. The perfect home.
The perfect family. The perfect relationship. The perfect
body.

When we compare ourselves to this mythical 'ideal person' -
it's no wonder we lack self-acceptance!

We live in a society that demands comparison and contrast
and competition. But we'll never measure up to the ideal
standards of perfection by the unspoken rules of society.

Thus we can never accept ourselves.


It's a no-win situation:

1. Here's the perfect/ideal person

2. You must compare yourself to this image

3. Perfection, by definition, is impossible

4. Therefore, you lose!


What makes it even worse is that we rarely - if ever -
question this situation. We've bought into the lie. We
accept that we're unacceptable without ever really stopping
to evaluate why.

Which is one of the main reasons we stay stuck in our
present condition. Because if you don't accept yourself,
what will be your motivation for change? Anger? Ridicule?
Derision? Self-loathing?

Is that really the fuel you want to use to better yourself?

Here's another reason so few people have self-acceptance:

We forget we're ALWAYS a work-in-progress. Because we're
stuck in time. We tend to see ourselves as standing on a
pinnacle, or a plateau, or sadly maybe even a trough. No
matter the image, it still seems to be somewhat of a
'concluding statement' about ourselves.

"I am the sum total of all I've been."

True. But that's also going to be true next week, next
year, next decade. Because while we can look around us in
the present, and we can remember the past; the future seems
so unknown... so elusive... so unreal. We tend to believe
the future doesn't exist - and it may never exist - all we
know is the present and the past.

"I may never change" because "This is where I've ended up
in life."

Guess what? You never end up anywhere in this life. Life
is a process. Not a destination. It's not about your
'place' in life - because your place is always changing.
Or it should be. It better be. Life is like a river.
A never-ending river.

Remember when the sixth-graders looked so big? Then you
get to the sixth grade. Then it's the high school kids
who looked so big, so cool, so mature. We compare ourselves
to others who are more than we are. Without realizing
we're on our own path to becoming more.

Self-acceptance makes it much easer to grow and change.
Why? Because it gives us something positive to push off
from. It gives us something solid to stand on as we reach
for more.

The problem is, we often confuse contentment with
complacency. We confuse satisfaction with settling. If
I'm content and satisfied with who I am and where I am
right now (which means I'm accepting myself) then I'm in
a stronger position to achieve more.

If I'm complacent; if I've settled - then I'm not likely
to do much of anything to change. And this state can be
confused with self-acceptance, rather than what it really
is - self-resignation.

Admitting who and what you are, admitting your
accomplishments, and taking responsibility for them -
strengthens you.

"Yes, I want more. Much more. But I'm willing to pause and
reflect and be responsible for all I've done up till now."

Do that, and you'll be one step closer to accepting
yourself. Plus, by looking for the good, you'll find and
create more of it.

Self-acceptance does not come easy. You're up against a
lot of negative programming. But reflecting on your
accomplishments can be a starting point. Even if you
used to be on a peak, and now you're in a trough, there
has to be some sort of silver lining. At the very least,
you have a greater awareness of life.

Maybe you're ready to accept yourself on a deeper, more
profound level. Maybe it's time to love yourself a little
more and judge yourself a little less harshly. Maybe today
is the day you begin to embrace self-acceptance.

Nobody else can stop you from accepting yourself.

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all the best

Mark


brought to you by
Mark Ivar Myhre
The Emotional Healing Wizard


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