Anger's Like A Kitchen Appliance

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Anger is a funny thing. Controlling it is not...

We tend to want to cover it up, the way we cover up certain body parts.

"Don't let your anger show."

Many people are afraid of anger - theirs and others. Some people use their anger as a weapon; or at least a tool of negotiation. A lot of people harbor their anger - hiding it, keeping it 'safe'. Keeping it hidden. Only bringing it out as 'necessary'.

Many use it as motivation. Or as a substitute for inspiration.

One thing's for sure. We all seem to possess an excess of it. Even those who claim to have no anger whatsoever are usually sitting on a MOUNTAIN of repressed anger.

No matter which category you find yourself in, the question remains:

"How am I gonna control this anger?!"

You might want to step back just a little and ask:

"Is it even POSSIBLE to control my anger?"

Yes. And no.

Keeping anger inside is like putting a pressure cooker on the stove and turning on the heat. For a while you can keep all the beans inside. For a while. But sooner or later, somethings gotta give. Something MUST happen to that pressure.

One thing that often happens is we find ourselves in situations where other people appear to be making us angry. We truly, honestly believe outside influences have the ability to create anger, or any other emotion, inside of us.

We could even pass a lie detector test by saying:

"They're making me angry!"

Because we've long since forgotten the original circumstances that turned on the stove. And we don't realize we've had that pressure cooker going since we were children.

All we know is someone is doing something - and we’re left feeling angry. It's easy to conclude the particular situation we're looking at today is the source of the anger we feel inside. Because we're angry RIGHT NOW!

You know that little regulator that sits on top of the lid of a pressure cooker? The scientific name for it is the 'jiggler'. You touch it and it releases a little pressure. It hisses and snarls at you.

We hear that little noise, and we conclude the person who touched the jiggler is responsible for the release of pressure. And they would be, if it was their jiggler sitting atop their pressure cooker on their stove in their kitchen.

But it's not.

Undoubtedly, they have their own pressure cooker going on inside of them. No matter how sweet and innocent they appear to be on the outside. That's not your problem, though.

Cause you've got your own pressure to deal with. One way is to blame the never-ending parade of people and circumstances that keep 'making' you angry.

"Hey! I’m trying to control my anger here!! Why are you making me mad?!"

But you should be thanking them instead of blaming them. They're helping you release the pressure you've got inside.

That's one way to 'control' your anger. Let others brush up against your jiggler. Of course, it will never resolve the problem. And you WILL have that parade to deal with. A parade which never ends.

Whew! That's gonna get old! Maybe it already has.

Maybe you'd like to try a new approach.

Why not recognize you have a pressure cooker of anger inside yourself? Just like practically every single human on this planet. Let it be real. Let it be okay. You're not bad and wrong because you're a human.

Next, accept that it's YOURS. It's YOUR jiggler sitting atop YOUR pressure cooker on YOUR stove in YOUR kitchen. Don't pretend it belongs to anyone else. If you do, you're giving away your power, along with your ability to DO anything about it.

In other words, if you won't take responsibility for your anger, you can expect things to continue as they are. Or, more likely, things will get worse. Blaming has a way of doing that.

If you accept your pressure cooker, then you can get about the business of doing something about it. Like relieving the pressure, for starters.

Here's one way:

Get out pen and paper and start writing 'anger letters'. Write down all the things that make you angry. To all the people who make you angry. Not as a way for them to 'get it'. (It's YOUR anger, remember?)

But as a way to relieve your own pressure. So YOU can feel better. Calmer. More able to deal with those people and circumstances.

These aren't letters you'll send or show to anyone. They're strictly for your own private benefit. As a way to bleed off the anger that's slowly killing you right now. It's a way to safely process your anger so it doesn't hurt you or anyone else.

Have you ever seen what happens to a pressure cooker when the jiggler gets knocked off? It's not a pretty sight.

There's nothing funny about beans splattered all over your kitchen...

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Life Is Not A Test

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"This life is a test. It is only a test. If this had been a real life, you would have received further instructions on what to do and how to do it."

Ever heard those words? When you first read them, it's almost a relief. "Whew! It's just a test."

But when you look deeper, you ask: "Well what, exactly, is being tested?"

Then you conclude: "Me. I am being tested."

Well, what about me is being tested?

Here's where it gets interesting. Cause when you strip away the veneer, it all boils down to:

Am I lovable?

Am I enough?

Am I worthy?

Am I deserving?

So if your 'love-ability' is being tested, then who is doing the judging? Who grades the test? If you're grading yourself, then there's no need for a test. Rather, it can be a self-assessment.

That's called self-esteem. Self-esteem is the estimate you make of yourself. And you're already assessing yourself every minute of every day.

It's the definition of self-esteem. But self-esteem is not a test.

No. If life is a test, then by definition it must be graded by another. It could be your friends, your lover, your family, your church, your job, your co-workers, your paycheck, your car, your house... any number of things or people.

Bottom line: it's an Outside Authority who's grading you.

Some would say God is doing the testing. My own conclusion is that God is doing the giving, not the testing. Either way, I see God as Supreme Authority, not Outside Authority. Huge difference.

Cause I can work WITH Supreme Authority. It brings me closer to myself. While any outside authority only separates me from myself.

If you're holding the concept of life as a test; then you're also holding the concept of an Outside Authority. Someone other than you is making the judgment or the assessment of whether or not you pass or fail. That's called victimhood.

There's an epidemic of victimhood in our world today. Seems to be getting worse. And victimhood always leads to pain.

Another problem with the 'test' concept is that it robs you of your power. You must give your power away to this Outside Authority. Since an outside authority doesn't really exist, you have to keep giving more and more power to more and more people and things.

"Will you take my power and use it for good?"

Meaning; will you validate me? Will you conclude I’m lovable?

Which is impossible. If we get caught in the trap of seeking outside validation from an outside authority - it's like a downward spiral to more victimhood and less power. It makes us more and more resentful. More bitter. More blaming. More separate from ourselves and from the world around us. Which leads to more pain.

What's the solution?

Realize it's not possible for anyone else to conclude whether you're enough or whether you're lovable. Or deserving. Or worthy.

The question itself is a lie. It's not possible to be unlovable. It's not possible to be unworthy. No matter how much we pretend otherwise.

You were created. By a Creator. You are loved. End of story. When you really, really get it - that you are loved by the One Who created you - you'll no longer wonder if you're enough. You'll no longer worry about passing a test. That's been my experience.

There's no greater feeling on this earth than to know I measure up. And that it was never a question of measuring up in the first place! I thought I had to pass some sort of unspoken test, but those thoughts were really just keeping me from feeling the love.

Otherwise, it's like hiding underground and saying the sun doesn't shine for me.

The sun shines for all. The sun is always shining. Everyone can bask in the sun.

Also - return to the foundation of self-esteem. Which is: I assess myself. I am the only one who determines my level of esteem. I decide. I assess.

I assess my honesty. My integrity. My level of conscious responsibility. My level of trust. That's the foundation of self-esteem.

The whole notion that 'life is a test' is a fraud. It's a trick designed to rob you of your power. As you fruitlessly plead with the world:

"Please, please, please, Mrs. Teacher - give me a passing grade. My parents will kill me if I don't pass this life."

You could just as easily conclude - "life is a gift. I am already loved 100%. The fact that I’m alive proves it. Now, let me be honest enough - and responsible enough - to dismantle the lie I've bought into."

When you stand on THAT foundation, things automatically start looking up.

Do I have the courage to earn my self-esteem? Or will I hide in a lie? I get to decide.

That's the greatest gift of all.

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Don't Avoid Negative People

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It seems almost a cliché.

"Avoid negative people. Eliminate them from your life! They'll only bring you down. One bad apple..."

On the surface, it seems like good advice. We all want to feel good. Happy. Successful.

How can you feel good if you're around someone who's miserable? Just get away from them! What a simple solution.

Too bad it doesn't work.

Another cliché - which is much more than a saying - is that "we are all one". Certainly, we're all one consciousness. There is no separation of consciousness. Not really. It only seems that way cause we're living in a duality.

Consciousness is one. With many different expressions.

What really happens when I try to separate myself from an expression of consciousness I don't like?

Many things. None of them helpful. At the very least, I'm giving my power away.

"I'm not powerful enough to be around this other person. They're more powerful than me."

I'm telling my subconscious I'm not powerful. I'm giving away my power. I'm telling my subconscious that so-called 'negativity' is more powerful than MY - ahem - so-called 'goodness'.

You're automatically making judgments that may or not be true. Is misery really more powerful that goodness? Do I really need to avoid... run-away... separate myself - from ANYthing?



Here's why the notion of avoiding negative people NEVER works:

You have a certain resonance. A frequency of vibration. Your resonance naturally attracts the people, places, and things that MOST MATCH your resonance.

It's impossible to 'avoid' anything. Either you attract it in your life - by your resonance - or you don't. Pushing away an unpleasant 'form' (someone you're judging) will simply cause the form to bounce back. Either the same person, or another person with a similar resonance, will soon be back in your life.

The tricky/unknown part:

What is your resonance? And how can you change it so you DO naturally attract into your life those things you say you want? While simultaneously NOT attracting those things you say you DON'T want?

Your resonance is made up of many different components. Most are not easily under your control. For example, the main components of your resonance come from your unconscious mind.

However, there is one easy and effective way to start working on your resonance right now. By working with your thoughts and feelings in a very specific way.

Don't seek to avoid so-called negative people. It's much wiser to seek them out. But only if you do it with this one goal in mind. Here's what you do:

Work with how YOU feel (and what YOU think) when you are around the person you look down upon. If you will truly and honestly look at YOUR emotions - perhaps to process them by writing them down - or simply to feel them cleanly... it's like a SHORT CUT to changing your resonance.

It can quickly and effectively change YOU.

Here's the trick: if you don't cleanly process your emotions, things will stay the same. Same judgments. Same pity. Same frustrations. Etc. Nothing will change. You'll be on an endless cycle - feeling the exact same feelings over and over.

That's how you KNOW whether or not you're processing your emotions cleanly.

Perhaps the easiest way to process: write down those thoughts and feelings that come up when you're around this 'lesser' person. Write them down today. Write them down tomorrow. And the next day.

Even if you don't believe you can cleanly think and feel, you can ALWAYS take pen to paper. It's the absolute easiest way to get to the point of cleanly processing your emotions. Which may be the best way to raise your resonance.

Because it allows you to release the trapped emotions that are part of your present resonance. Release the trapped emotions, and YOU change. Instantly.

Then, either the other person will leave... or they will change... or, it simply won't bother you anymore. And by focusing on what repels you - it's like taking a short cut to improving YOURSELF.

Otherwise, you can spend the rest of your life trying to push away from what you're 'too good' to experience.

Think about it. You can accelerate your own personal growth by seeking out those people whom you judge. There's only one consciousness.

They're only reflecting what you deny in yourself.

Don't forget to thank them.

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Danger of the Fear Story

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The energy behind fear is very real. Not something to play around with. Or take lightly.

It reminds me of the time - years ago - when I was visiting some friends on the North Shore of Hawaii. They were born surfers. Who moved from Florida to enjoy the awesome waves.

Right before we got to the beach, a tourist was playing out in the water when a big wave came and washed him away. He just disappeared. His girl friend was screaming hysterically on the shore.

We left before they found his body. If they ever did.

That's what fear can do. One minute you're playing patty-cake with your fears. The next minute you're swallowed alive by those fears you've been avoiding.

Here's the problem:

You make up a story to explain your fear, and then forget you made it up.

You start out innocently enough. Dodging your fears. Hiding from them. Pretending they're no big deal. Rather than feeling the raw fears as they happen.

Instead of feeling the raw emotion, you create a personal explanation of what's wrong. Your own personal fear story.

Everybody loves stories. And everybody NEEDS explanations. Things have to make sense. Everything must be explained. So first, you create a story:

"They're out to get me. And I’m gonna get screwed. There's nothing I can do."

Then you rationalize it:

"Well, that makes sense."

Then you nobilize it:

"It's just something I have to go through..."

"I'm just too sensitive."

"Life is just too intense."

"I'm not powerful enough."

"I'm probably getting what I deserve."

And finally, you dramatize it. You come to believe it's real.

Whatever your particular statements are, you end up repeating them to yourself over and over.

The fear story captures your imagination. You can create elaborate scenarios in your head - visualizing them quite well - in great detail. But you have little imagination left over for other things. That's how fear 'captures' your imagination.

The story gets replayed over and over. It seems so logical! So easy to imagine. And it's hard to imagine anything else.

If you find yourself at this stage of 'captured imagination' - do you think it will end there?

The fear story takes a little bit of real fear and perverts it. Most of the real fear lies hidden away. Out of sight. So all you know is the story that keeps getting repeated as it seems to grow larger with each telling. It's like a huge underground root that keeps putting up more green shoots.

The danger of the fear story is that it can actually manifest. Your worst fears can happen, if you focus on them long enough and hard enough.

Are you aware of your fear story? Almost everybody has one. Usually, it plays in the background of your mind, like elevator music. You don't even realize it's playing. You don't even realize it's on. But it's constantly programming your subconscious mind:

"This is what's going to happen to me."

The very first thing to do is to bring it to conscious awareness. Recognize what it is. Place it in the light of day. Hold it up like an offending piece of rancid meat.

Study it; get to know it. Write it out, even. Then you can end it. Then you can stop being so scared.

It's just a story, after all.

***

For more info on ending the fear story, it's the first chapter of the e-book "How To Reduce Fear, Escape Anxiety and End Panic" which you can find out about here ==>

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How Feelings Heal Relationships

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When any event happens - when ANYthing happens in your personal reality, it brings up thoughts and feelings. A certain amount of thought; a certain amount of feeling. Together, those thoughts and feelings possess a certain amount of volume.

How much volume? That depends upon how significant you consider the event.

Insignificant events bring up a small volume. Significant events bring up more volume.

Someone makes an insulting statement to you... and lo and behold, you get insulted! You now have a certain volume of thoughts and feelings that came up from the insult.

When it happens to me, I try to keep my big mouth shut and just FEEL all those emotions. It's not always easy, but it IS always effective. If I'm feeling them honestly. Because I know if I really do let those emotions come into me - into my heart, into my stomach, into my chest, into my head; if I welcome them into me the way a mother welcomes her child; then there's a VERY good chance I won't hear that insult again!

Or if I do hear it, it won't be nearly as abrasive. Either the insult will have less punch, or else I'll laugh it off. It just won't insult me like it did the last time. Because I more-or-less healed it the last time. The insult will have much less significance.

Do you see what I'm saying here?

By FEELING your feelings - by honestly letting the impact of the insult affect you in a healthy way - you CHANGE your reality. You can easily prove this to yourself in your own life. Whether it's a total stranger or someone you've known for years.

If they're nagging or bitching or yelling or screaming or whatever it may be; try reacting this new way instead:

1. Know and completely understand your normal, habituated, old-fashioned reaction.

How do you normally react to insults? Are you a hard rubber wall - where the insult just bounces right off you, as you give it right back to 'em? (They're only getting what they deserve, right? Good thing they've got YOU to teach 'em a lesson. They should be thanking you!)

Or do you internalize it? "I really AM a sorry no-good lazy bum. Her mother IS right!" Not only soaking it up like a sponge, but adding a little flavoring of your own, to prove - for the one-millionth time - that you really are bad and wrong and stupid and they should have married Lloyd Bronson instead.

Are you a shameful sponge? Or a rubber wall? Or both, depending upon the situation? That's the first step: knowing how you currently react.

2. Understand that nothing changes until you do.

Are you sick and tired of the insults or arguing or whatever the unpleasant exchange is? Do you think by fighting back harder that you can change things? If you can JUST GET THEM TO UNDERSTAND HOW WRONG THEY ARE....

Or if you just dump enough shame on top of their shame.... Pour a little more sugar on top of that ice cream sundae before you eat it... Somehow things will change?

No. If you want to change the dynamics of the relationship, you better be the one to make a positive change.

Let that in.

And just as important: Understand that if you leave the current relationship without resolving it, you can almost guarantee that it will repeat itself in the next relationship.

The unresolved issues you're dealing with now, will most likely show up the next time around as well. So you may as well deal with it right now.

3. When someone starts to insult you, don't fight back.

Don't defend yourself. Don't try to make excuses. Don't try to explain yourself. Don't insult them right back. Instead, allow yourself to FEEL the feelings that come up inside of YOU.

This takes practice, and you probably won't be able to do it the first time you try.

It might help to visualize a sphere of light entering you. Don't focus on their words. Focus on the sphere.

Basically, you're retraining yourself to cleanly feel your own feelings.

Look for your feelings; search for your feelings. Maybe visualize them, if that helps. Honor and respect yourself enough to seek out the feelings that come up inside of you.

What you FEEL is much more real than what they say.

4. Don't 'internalize' your feelings.

Meaning, don't explain them to yourself. Don’t justify what you're feeling. Don't interpret what you're feeling in any way.

Feelings don't need interpretation!

When you internalize, you attempt to 'become' the feelings. That's shame.

So in the previous step I mentioned not reacting to the other person's words, and here I'm saying don't react to your OWN feelings either. One way to visualize this is by imagining the feelings that come up as being like a fetus in a womb inside of you. It's another way to visualize those feelings.

Just keep in mind that when you interpret your feelings IN ANY WAY - that sphere of light begins to darken.

5. Put as much of your attention as you possibly can on YOUR feelings.

It helps if you're having a phone conversation because it's easier to somewhat 'zone the other person out'. You can close your eyes and focus on the way *you feel*- rather than the ranting and raving you're enduring.

With practice, you can focus on both your feelings and the words spoken by the other person.

And keep reminding yourself why you're doing this: by cleanly feeling the feelings that come up, you GREATLY reduce the chances of it happening again. Not so they can walk all over you one more time - but so they will walk all over you for the LAST time.

So the next time you get ready to argue, just think to yourself -

"Hey, you know what you idiot?? Usually I'd get down to your level and act like a child also, but this time I’m going to use your words to better myself!"

Now let the nagging begin!

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Your Best Friend

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You know the best thing I got going for myself?

Deep down inside, where it really counts, I love and accept myself. I'm at peace with who I am. Not totally. But enough. I am my own best friend.

Who's your best friend?

For some, it's the Marlboro Man. Or Mr. Jim Beam. Or the U.S. Sugar Corporation. Or Hershey's chocolate.

For others it's their anger. Or their pity. Or their cynicism. (Which will always be there for them. And they'll never be cynical of their best friend; their own cynicism.)

Maybe your best friend is your dog. Or your diamonds.

Or maybe you really do have a good buddy you hang out with who's your best friend. Like the Skipper had Gilligan. Like Thelma had Louise. Like Charlie Brown had Linus. (Cause he sure didn't have Snoopy!)

And still others would say God is their Best Friend. Which is wonderful, if it's more than just a saying. Or if you're of the new-age persuasion, you might say your Higher Self is your best friend.

I've had lots of best friends in my life. But at the end of the day, I'm still closest to myself. No matter how tightly I hold the other person at night. Or enjoy football games with another person. No matter how much I love chocolate. No matter how much I love to blame and get righteous and feel sorry for myself...

I'm always closest to myself.

Yes, I have a wonderful relationship with my Creator. That I never talk about. Because it's beyond words, and very private.

But if I don't love myself first, I will NEVER allow God's love or any other love into my heart.

That's why I've chosen to be my own best friend. So that I can have good friends. So I can be good friends with many others. So that I can truly be at peace with myself.

So that I can even be capable of having a loving relationship - whether it's with another person or my Creator.

So I can forgive myself when I make mistakes. Cause I screwed up yesterday. Big time. And I'm going to screw up tomorrow. Guaranteed. And I'm going to need to forgive myself for that.

So I can accept the fact that yes, I'm a human. And it's okay to be a human.

You can probably think of various other reasons yourself for why it's so advantageous to be your own best friend.

But it's not easy, is it?

Maybe you've already tried and failed. A best friend is a commitment. It doesn't just happen. The Marlboro Man isn't going to introduce himself by knocking on your door with a six-pack on game day. No. You've got to make effort.

You've got to sacrifice. You've got to get into your car and drive down to the corner store and pull out your money. (And in this example, you may have to sacrifice your life.)

No matter who your best friend is, you've got to make effort to keep that relationship alive and thriving. The greater the effort, the greater the reward. Or at least, the greater the impact.

If you want to be your own best friend, it starts with a choice. But it doesn't end there. That's the beginning. Not the end. You've got work to do. Effort and attention and focus and a shifting of priorities. Like you did with your spouse. Or God. Or chocolate brownies. Or pity. Or blame.

(It only seems like you're falling off a log when you blame. In reality, you're making a HUGE sacrifice!)

If you want to be your own best friend, you WILL have to make some sacrifices.

Number one: Pay attention to what you say to yourself all day long.

Would you say that stuff to your best friend? Well, would you? Then why say it to yourself?

See, when another person is your best friend, you don't usually nag them and put them down every chance you get. You don't jump down their throat every time they make a simple little mistake.

Instead, you know their faults and you accept them. You love them in spite of their shortcomings.

You might want them to change. You'd probably help them change - but in the meantime you love them just the way they are. That's what a best friend does.

They see the good.

They see the bad.

They wish for the best.

They hope the other person becomes more.

And all the while they love and accept their best friend.

When you are your own best friend, others want in. To be a part of what you have. It inspires confidence in others. It's the exact opposite of being a narcissist.

My best friend is an arrogant excitable loud-mouth maniac. Prone to delusion. And I love him anyway.

What's yours like?

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The Secret To Fulfillment

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Everybody wants fulfillment. Filled by what, we don't know. We just know hollowness and emptiness hurt. We want to be filled.

And so we go looking out in the world. Looking for the person or the thing that will satisfy that unending longing we feel inside.

We can spend our whole lifetime looking. Many people do. And we can end up just as empty as when we started.

Other people - savvy as they are - hear they should be looking inside. Makes sense when you think about it. Especially if you've already searched outside for fulfillment, and learned the hard way: you can't buy a house big enough to make you fulfilled.

You can't have enough money in the bank to create the feeling of fulfillment.

You can't have enough friends.

Not that there's anything wrong with those things. But they have nothing to do with fulfillment. It's like trying to eat a mirage. It's like watching the Food Channel on TV and expecting to get stuffed.

So it makes sense to look inside. But so often when we start looking inside we don't like what we see. Because the first thing you come across is the fluff and the froth and the excrement: the cloud of unresolved emotion that surrounds almost every person on this earth.

The reason it's unresolved is because you didn't want (or maybe didn't know how) to deal with it in the first place. That's why people are so driven to look outside themselves. Because they see the froth and conclude they ARE the froth. Or else the froth is all they can find.

They don't realize how easy it can be to blow through it.

How? By processing your thoughts and feelings.

Processing is the line that separates genius from insanity. It's a way for you to blow through your own froth so you can get to what's real. And it's SO EASY TO DO. Too easy. Deadly effective, though.

Just get out paper and pen and start writing out your frustrations, your hurt, your anger, your bitterness, your fears. Even your pity!

Once you 'get it' that processing really works - your life changes on a fundamental level. It's like receiving the key to freedom. You begin to feel hope. You begin to take back your power.

But as wonderful as it is, processing will not give you fulfillment. It just removes the froth so you can see what's more real. What's behind - or beyond - the fluff.

And once you do, now it gets a little more intense. Now you're faced with your blockages, your boundaries, your walls. The walls of separation.

And the processing reaches a point of diminishing return.

Not that you ever reach a point in your life where processing isn't necessary. But there are certain places where you need something more.

The inner walls are made of pain. They exude pain. Unexpressed pain. And you can't talk your way out of pain. I've proven that. To myself, at least.

We all have walls of pain inside us that separate us from fulfillment. To one degree or another.

Walls separate us. Separation causes pain. Separation keeps us from fulfillment. Little mystery there. It's only a mystery if you don't look at it and face up to it.

Here's one way to face it:

Imagine that separation; that pain; as being like a 'blanket of bitterness' or a 'cloak of frustration'. Whatever you want to call it. Imagine this blanket as being made of barb wire and stickers and thorns and small irritating pieces of metal. Or something similar. Use what makes the most sense to you.

A blanket of painful uncomfortability.

Spend a little time each day draping the cloak around you. Then FEEL your bitterness... your hostility... your frustration... whatever comes up. Let the feelings absorb into you. Right through your skin. Feel the rawness. Feel it cleanly.

Meaning: don't tell yourself a story about those feelings. Don't explain them. Don’t justify them.

If you feel them cleanly, they will release on their own. If you don't feel them cleanly - they will NOT release.

That's the key.

The more you can FEEL what's in that blanket of pain - the thinner the blanket becomes. The more powerful you become. Because you're taking back your power. You're dealing with life proactively. On your terms.

And the closer you come to true fulfillment. Which is worth more than all the money in the world.

Fulfillment only comes when you completely and totally and honestly give up your delusion of separateness.

You won't get there in a day. But you can start right now.


Another way to tear down those painful walls of separation is by traveling directly to them. Deal with the walls directly. For an introductory audio on the topic, go to ==> http://www.healing-emotional-pain.com/page2.html


Or if you've already heard my little speech, go to ==> http://www.healing-emotional-pain.com/page3.html

If you liked this post; if you got anything out of it; then please click on the BOOKMARK link below, which brings up a list of social bookmarking sites. Then add this article to your favorite site.

Thank you!







all the best,

Mark

Mark Ivar Myhre
The Emotional Healing Wizard


forgive-yourself.com

create-reality.com

reduce-fear.com

healing-emotional-pain.com

release-emotions.com

Spend Your Anger

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Think back to the last time someone made you angry. Maybe it was earlier today, or yesterday. Or a few days back. It probably wasn't that long ago.

What did they say? What did they do? Remember the circumstances? Get the image in mind. Now, think back to what you DID about the anger.

Does the other person even know you got angry? Did you dump it on them? Or did you bottle it up inside - keeping your mouth shut - and hiding it from view?

If you're like most people, you have a certain pattern of behavior to deal with your anger. You follow this pattern every time the anger comes up, unless you consciously take the time to choose a different response.

Most often it involves suppressing it without taking the time to feel it. Letting it sink down somewhere inside to some secret location. Secret even from you.

Others take the complete opposite approach - venting their anger immediately - in a dramatic or melodramatic fashion. Dumping their emotion on whatever or whoever makes them angry. Again, it's often a way to NOT feel the anger.

Whether it's a sinking suppression, or a bursting melodrama; the bottom line is that the anger goes unresolved. It's not dealt with in a mature fashion.

Which makes sense, since the pattern of behavior you use was developed by a child.

Some little kid created a strategy long ago for how best to deal with anger. (And other emotions as well. I'm only using anger as one example.) Some little kid, who was much less wise, who had access to much less resources. Who knew little about living life. Who had few coping skills.

A small child who could barely walk and talk came up with a strategy for dealing with emotions. And most likely you're using the exact same strategy today as you did when you were that small child.

You can't blame a little kid for trying to cope with life. But why would you continue your pattern unchanged for all these years?

Well, maybe you never thought about it. Maybe you didn't know any other way. Maybe none of the many problems that come with suppressed anger have surfaced yet. Maybe you don’t see the connection between your unresolved anger and your depression, or your anxiety, or your health problems. Maybe it doesn't seem important to resolve your anger.

OR... maybe you're using your anger as emotional currency. Like I've been known to do.

There was a time in my life when the only currency I had was emotional currency:

"You made me mad. I'm going to hold onto that anger. It's valuable to me. And then one day I'll spend it. I'll get you back."

Or maybe I'll never spend it. Maybe I'll just keep it as money in the bank. Maybe I'll build up my savings account. And no one will ever know I'm secretly getting rich.

"You owe me. I don't have to clean up my room. And I have the right to be just as naughty as I want."

And you'll never even know. Because it's a secret. I won't even think about it myself. I'll just keep fooling myself into thinking I'm a rich kid. Rich with emotional currency that fuels my entitlement. That gives me a false sense of value. That separates me from myself, from my true feelings, and from my world.

All emotions are designed to be FELT as fully as possible. When you do, then they naturally tend to release themselves. When you feel the full complexity of any emotion - savoring the taste all the way down to your toes - then you never have to worry about releasing it.

But if you're using your emotions as currency - hoarding them away in some sort of perverted savings account - you're creating all sorts of problems.

Because ANY emotion you hold onto - even love - will damage you. It's like clogging up your drain. Or clogging up your arteries. It stops the flow of energy when you hold on to your emotions. You begin to stagnate.

If you lock your anger in a cage of righteousness ("I have the right to be angry!!") then you'll end up being eaten alive.

If you really, really ARE right... then usually you make someone else really, really wrong. In your own mind, you have the satisfaction on being right. But you pay a high price. And you're not building your savings account. More likely you're digging yourself into a hole.

So what's the answer? Let go of the righteousness. Which can only be done by choosing to. You don't choose to be angry or not. You choose what you DO with the anger.

Clean anger is a wonderful thing. Beautiful in it's own way. But keep it locked inside of you (because you really are right!!!) and it starts polluting you in many ways.

Emotional currency is like radioactive waste. It damages you. You might not notice it today. But at some point you will.

You want to know the best thing about dirty money? It spends quickly, if you let it. Believe me, I know.

If you liked this post; if you got anything out of it; then please click on the BOOKMARK link below, which brings up a list of social bookmarking sites. Then add this article to your favorite site.

Thank you!







all the best,

Mark

Mark Ivar Myhre
The Emotional Healing Wizard


forgive-yourself.com

create-reality.com

reduce-fear.com

healing-emotional-pain.com

release-emotions.com