Forgive A Cheating Spouse

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It's hard to forgive a cheating spouse. The basic problem is the trust has been broken. And it takes years to rebuild it. If it can be rebuilt at all.

The other problem is: the love often times doesn't break. It's still there. Love 'bounces'. Love is resilient. Love can stand up to all kinds of abuse. It takes a lot to break love.

But not trust. Trust is like glass. And when you have a cheating spouse, it's like the glass has been broken.

You can't possibly just pick up the pieces of trust and put them back together again. It doesn't work that way. Instead, you must start over. And it takes much more effort and dedication.

In the context of a cheating spouse, it often feels like we're leaving ourselves open for humiliation; as they're likely to repeat the offense.

So on the one hand, we're afraid to be vulnerable - even to ourselves - but on the other hand, because the love is still there... we feel compelled to do something.

What usually happens is we get caught in a tug of war between these two opposing forces: love and fear of vulnerability. We get caught in a trap - going back and forth between love and fear.

And in the middle: the rage, the helplessness, the separation, the hurt, the humiliation itself - in addition to the fear of humiliation.

(I've written more in depth about healing the pain caused by others here.)

It's also hard to forgive a cheating spouse because so few people understand what forgiveness really means. We have a tendency to believe that if we forgive the cheating spouse, we're letting them off the hook. And then they'll go back to their cheatin' ways. Even worse, maybe we'll be in denial about it if - or when - they do.

We can also be afraid to forgive because of the fear that nothing will change.

Our LOVE wants to forgive. But our FEARS say no. So what's the best thing to do?

I can't say about the 'best' thing - only the most empowering thing. And without a doubt, the most empowering action you can take is to forgive YOURSELF first. Then, maybe forgive the cheating spouse. Or maybe not.

You empower YOURSELF when you forgive yourself first. Why?

1. You're acknowledging your own value. Your own worth. Your own dignity. You're telling yourself that YOU MATTER.

2. Forgiveness is the energy that allows change. Forgiveness comes before change. This is so important to understand! Forgiveness creates the space for a positive change. No forgiveness: no change.

3. You acknowledge your own power. You're saying to yourself: I am more than a victim of circumstances. I can take charge of my life.

4. It's the only way to heal your own pain. If you don't forgive - the painful thoughts and feelings won't leave. At best, you'll push them away. But they keep haunting.

As you forgive yourself - you reduce the chances you'll go through this again. Either with the current offender, or another.

What's the most real thing about a cheating spouse?

Your own thoughts and feelings. Your own emotions. NOT the actions of another.

By forgiving yourself for allowing something like this to happen, you honor yourself; you honor your emotions; you help heal your pain; you acknowledge your own power; and you allow change to happen... making it much less likely you'll have to go through something like this again.

So forgive yourself already!

Then you'll be empowered enough - and clear-headed enough to take the right steps - the next steps - in the next chapter of your life.

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Thank you!






all the best,

Mark

Mark Ivar Myhre
The Emotional Healing Wizard

FREE E-Book on Emotional Healing

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